Home.

A few weeks ago, I found myself in my old stomping grounds of Delran, New Jersey. A quite Philadelphia suburb, where ten minutes west takes you into dilapidated row homes and crumbling strip malls and ten minutes east sprawls you into rolling fields of corn and cows. A bizarre mix of ghetto and country, where the wife-beater, chain wearing boys used the word "yo" and "dawg" every other word while raising their confederate flags.

It's my childhood, that place. My developmental years. I drove up there in the midst of a breakdown of epic proportions, even for me. Crying half of the eight hour drive, wanting to scream for a quarter, and in a dull trance for the rest. I drove up there a blob of anxiety and depression, and was thinking:

"This is just how I am. I've always been a mess, I'll always be a damn mess."

But then, I saw old friends and photographs.

Seeing old friends is always good. There are so many things that slip your mind, that you forget into the depths of those holes that you put into your brain. It's just like Adam Wisnuski used to say:

"I bet we did so much cool shit that we can't even remember."

(And that was in high school.)

Back then, we laughed about it, cause you could remember almost all of it, but the concept was funny… but now, it's not just a concept. When you sit and reminisce with those you grew up with, you realize… holy shit, those moments are really falling through. All of those things that occurred when we were just forming. The events that have shaped your personality and molded your spirit. The ones where you didn't think twice and you rarely ever questioned.

At least, those were most of my experiences for me. And when we did question… well, fuck. You definitely shouldn't of been doin' it then.

I looked around at the faces of my youth and thought…. yes. This is what has helped me to where I am today. I am who I am partly because of these people, right back when. Characters in my story, and wonderful ones at that. It made me realize that what this blog could potentially be, is a rough writing of chapters. Chapters in a life that is beginning to form. A life that has already been clipped into so many distinct parts, people, and phases.

I mean, the cycle of life is just a series of cycles, after all.